Time To Let Go
by miix3dButt3rfliiii
Summary: "Love fades, mine has." After Rose helped restore Dimitri from the dead she thought she would have the love of her life back. He wants nothing to do with Rose and can hardly look at her. With the way Dimitri keeps pushing her with his heartless attitude could she finally be ready to give up and let him go?
1. Run

_**"Love fades, mine has…."**_

Physically and emotionally I would say I'm one of the strongest guardians there is out there, apart from the person sitting next to me. I'm not the type of person to break down so easily unless you count the time of mason's death but could you blame me? So why is it with one sentence from this person I just want to burst out in tears in front of all these people, in this church during this service?

But I wont.

I wont let him or anyone else see me break down.

I can't.

_**Dimitri.**_ The one and only person I've ever grown to love so much that I flew to Russia and almost killed him and also restored him back to life. I've never regretted it once but right now I am just a little. How could he say he doesn't love me anymore? Right now the look on his face was so emotionless, with everything we've been through together how the hell does he have the balls to say that to my face!

"You don't mean that" I whisper.

"I do mean it Rose…you should leave".

It was like time had slowed down completely and it was only us in the room. I was seeing no one but him at this moment, the look on his face gave nothing away… no feelings whatsoever. Who is this person I thought. Does coming back from a strigoi make you so cold and cruel? It couldn't be. He was treating Lissa the same way, even more kinder than he normally would have been towards her. Only because he believes **she's** the one who brought him back. So it was just me he seemed to hate so much, or himself or whatever excuse he seems to be making. He wasn't himself in Russia so why can't he just move past what he did to me so we could be together again!

I couldn't take it anymore, my lips were starting to tremble which meant the tears weren't far from coming out. I had to get out of here. I had to get to my room fast. **_"Don't you dare cry in front of him, don't you dare let him see you cry. Not like he'd care anymore anyway"_** my mind kept repeating the same lines over and over and that was exactly what I was going to do. With one last look at his face, I got up and left the church.  
Not because he told me to…but because if I had stayed in that church for a few minutes longer Dimitri would see how much he had actually broken me with that one sentence.

So like Dimitri had kept telling me to do during our training sessions…I ran.

I ran to the only 4 walls that would ever see me let out my emotions.

Isn't irony a bitch?

* * *

**So here's the start to my first ever fanfic! Sorry it's so short and it will get better!**


	2. Endless Tears

**Hey guys thank you soo much for the reviews, follows and favourites! I'm still so new to all this so bare with me! **

**Just a few things to know:**

**Adrian and Rose are not together (they broke up once Dimitri was restored)**

**The whole Queen Tatianna drama that is in the books won't happen in this story, I really wanted to focus on Rose and Dimitri's situation but all the characters will be making their entrance very soon. =) But they are still at court which is where the location of the story is.**

**Hope you enjoy! x**

* * *

4 days...it took me four days to pull myself together and try to stop the tears from falling. If I stay in my room any longer everybody would start to get suspicious. How do you try and pull yourself together in 4 days after the person you love the most tells you their love for you has faded? I never realised I could cry so much, I should be in the world book of records for the longest tears shed. I hadn't left my room at all since that day at the church. I had no appetite whatsoever and that's rare coming from me.

Staring at my ceiling seemed like a full time job at this point. Staring into space with **_his _**words echoing through the room. There was no getting away. If I slept I dreamt of him, when i was awake it was even worse. At least in a dream most of them ended in happiness with him next to me but when I woke up I had to face the reality of the situation...there was no one beside me.

Lissa stopped by. Well she tried to. I wouldn't let anyone see how heart broken I was, even my best friend. I shouted through the door that I was fine and just felt a little unwell. It didn't matter. She knew I was upset about Dimitri, although the bond only came through one way she knew the only thing I could really be upset about was him. That and I knew she was still helping him with his new founding for life because even though i'm a complete mess I did check in with her a couple times a day to make sure she was alright and most of the time his face came into vision and it took all of my strength to break the connection. It didn't make a difference, his face consumed every part of my mind. I love Lissa and appreciated the fact that she knew I just needed space from everyone but I don't think I could even show her this side of me. I won't ever show anyone how weak I really am. Although everyone sees me as this perfect, strong, loudmouth guardian, inside i'm the same as everyone else. I hurt. I just don't show it because **I AM A GUARDIAN.**

**"They come first". **

That mantra was probably the only reason I could stop crying.

This is so embarrassing. I'M ROSE HATHAWAY FOR GODS SAKE! I SHOULDN'T BE CRYING OVER A GUY!

But he's not just a guy. He's the love of my life. He's the only person i've ever grown to truly love that it scared me how in sync we were and now that connection was gone. He didn't care anymore.

Can love just fade that quickly? Did he even truly love me in the first place because I don't think I could fall out of love that quickly as much as I wish I could at this particular moment. Which kind of proves who loved who more in our relationship.

If you can even call it a relationship anymore.

All of a sudden I felt my mind shift into Lissa's. Oh no not again!

I could recognize the familiar cafe at the royal court and in front of me again was **_him._**

**_"Look Dimitri she's my best friend and right now all I want to do is comfort her but she won't see anyone and I know it was you that made her this way. She's always been there for me when I needed her and now I feel so helpless. You know how she tries to act so strong and bottles up her emotions before she finally cracks. I accepted your wish for her not to see you when you were restored and at first I thought you were just adjusting to being a dhampir again and needed privacy to do so. Now I may not know what exactly happened at church but I do know it feels like you want to push Rose away for good and I don't understand why."_**

It was so strange seeing Dimitri for this long, usually I would have broke the connection but right now I want to know what he has to say for himself and if I couldn't do that in person at least I knew I could rely on Lissa.

_**"I don't want her anywhere near me. I can't. Whenever I think of her it just brings back all memories of Russia and what I did to her and also to the innocent people I killed. I don't deserve to love her and I know I could never love her again. Not just her...but anyone else"**_Dimitri said sadly.

Coward.

_**"But you wasn't yourself Dimitri. You couldn't help it, you were a strigoi. Do you have any idea of what Rose has been through to bring you back" Lissa said defensively.**_

_**"You brought me back princess and for that I will be forever in your debt."**_

How could he say that.

_**"Dimitri I only played a small part in turning you back into a dhampir. Without Rose I don't think you would even be sitting here right now."**_

Exactly.

_**"She's not apart of my life anymore Princess so can we please stop talking about her." Dimitri said almost angrily.**_

So he really didn't love me anymore...

He gave up.

Now I guess it was my turn too.

Just when I thought i'd stopped I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks again.

Fuck.


	3. Tequila Is Definitely Not The Cure!

*Knock Knock

Adrian:_**"Little dhampir! What a supr-".**_

Rose:_** "Yeah yeah save the greetings, where's the alcohol**__?"_

Adrian:**_ "Nice to see you too and what makes you think I still have alcohol in my room huh?"_**

Rose:_** "..."**_

Adrian:_** "Okay remind me never to waste my time saying stupid stuff like that again."**_

Rose:**_"Gladly. So where is it?"_**

Adrian:_**"Woah what's the rush?"**_

Rose:_** "I just need it okay, don't ask questions now, at least let me get some shots in me first!"**_

Adrian:_** "Yes sir! So what's your poison?"**_

Rose:_** "Anything strong and will knock me out."**_

Adrian:_**"Coming right up my lady."**_

After Dimitri gave his cowardly speech to Lissa I broke the connection immediately. I didn't need to hear the rest because I knew the conversation was completely over. He was done. I knew I needed more than strength to help put me out of my misery this time so I turned to the only person I knew could cure me even if it was just for a few hours.

Adrian.

I had broken up with him a couple of days after restoring Dimitri. It wasn't fair to carry on the relationship when we both knew where my heart truly lies. Although he didn't take it well at first, he did eventually come around and started to talk to me again and now he's the best guy friend I could ever have.

A couple of tequila bottles later and I was completely drunk off my ass, Adrian didn't seem that drunk at all even though he had drank just as much as i had...maybe because he was use to it but weirdly enough I was able to avoid the reason of why I was getting so drunk on purpose from Adrian.

Adrian:_** "So what did the great and powerful cradle robber do to you now Rose?**_

Okay maybe not. Am I that transparent?

Rose: _**"Trust me Ivashkov youuuuuuuu out of all people do not wanna know why I am now your official drinking buddy!"**_

Adrian: "**Rose."**

Rose: _**Well if you MUST know everythinggggg nosey! That coward told me he dosen't love me anymore! Hahahahaaa can you believe it? MEEEE! ROSE FUCKING HATHAWAY DOSEN'T GET WHAT SHE WANTS...AS ALWAYS! HA! You should have seen his face...so serious...Love fades, mine has...I MEAN WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO HIM HUH!".**_

Adrian:_** "...Rose I think you should slow down with the shots!"**_

Rose: _**NO NO MORE LIKE SPEED UP! COME ON ADRIAN LETS TOAST TO THIS FUCKED UP GUARDIAN CRYING OVER A FUCKING PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT! **_

As I raised my glass and was about to down the next shot Adrian suddenly snatched my shot glass out of my hand and threw it across his bedroom wall breaking it into shattered pieces all over his floor.

Rose: _**HEYYYY THAT WAS MY SHOT! WHAT GIVES IVASHKOV! I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA TOAST TO MOI!"**_

Adrian: _**"We would have toasted to you but it would have been a total waste of a shot since that cradle robber lied to you!"**_

It was like I had sobered right up. Lied to me? That was impossible...and why the hell was HE starting to get angry?

Rose:_** "Adrian what the hell are you talking about? He said it right to my face!."**_

Adrian: "**_JUST BECAUSE SOMEBODY SAYS SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN THEY ALWAYS MEAN IT! LIKE WHEN SOMEBODY TELLS YOU THEY'D LOVE TO STAY FRIENDS WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH IT'S KILLING THEM INSIDE BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH YOU AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS AND I-..."_**

Silence...complete silence filled the room.

I had no words. I thought we were passed this. He still loved me? I tried to put my hand on his shoulder but he just shoved me away.

Rose: "_**Adrian."**_

Adrian: _**You should leave. I tried to be a good friend and hear you out. I knew when I opened that door and saw how awful you looked it was about him and as much as I wanted to tell you to go back to your room I just couldn't. But I can't be your shoulder to cry on Rose. It's too hard and it's not fair.**_

He couldn't even look me in the eye.

Rose: _**I'm sorry Adrian...I didn't know... I didn't know you still felt that way.**_

_**"Yeah well...I guess I can bottle up my feelings just as much as you can little dhampir."**_ Adrian said with half a smile.

Rose: _**"I'll leave."**_ I started to grab my sweater and was about open the door when...

Adrian: _**"Rose?"**_

I turned around.

Rose: _**"Hmm?"**_

Adrian: _**"He is lying to you. I don't care what he says to you,whether it looked like he meant it or not...no one could ever fall out of love with you."**_

Adrian was smiling. But I knew it was just a brave face hidden behind a _still_ broken heart.

I had no words, I felt like complete shit! So without saying anything further I smiled back and left his room.

And now I realised...what I was going through with Dimitri...Adrian was going through the exact same thing with me.

Oh karma..what the hell have I done to deserve this...AND WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH ME AND MEN!


	4. Unexpected Visitor

So in the space of a week I have officially pissed off two people who were important to me.

I felt like the worst person ever. There I was getting drunk because a guy didn't love me anymore, right in front of a guy who _still _did.

_**"He is lying to you."**_

What did Adrian mean? God and I thought us girls were the only complicated ones.

I couldn't just go back to my room and be depressed. I needed to clear my head! And the only cure for that was running.

Although I felt shitty since my intake of alcohol didn't help, thanks to Adrian's abrupt confession I definitely felt sober enough to do some laps around courts enormous running track. I mentally thanked Queen Tatiana for providing it, even though I couldn't really imagine her using it at any point in her life. Oh well at least _I _could put it to some use.

* * *

Two hours later and I felt amazing. It weird what a good run can do for you mentally. Although all the drama from the past week were still in my head, I was able to put it in the back of my mind for now. Kinda like drinking in a way, but I don't think I'll be going down that road again for a while. What I needed right now was a nice warm shower!

I headed out of the running track and froze. Someone was watching me. I could feel it and my guardian instincts went up. Although court was totally decked out with high security I was still certain there was a way for a strigoi to suddenly appear, but I wasn't feeling any nausea?

**_"Who's there?"_**

Yes Rose say the most typically cliched line out of every horror movie out there. Sometimes I could be such a dumbass. And of course no one spoke back. I could still feel a presence though.

After a minute of stupidly standing there I told myself it was probably just the tiredness I was feeling, today was just draining me out.

I turned in the direction of my room when I heard the voice of the last person I wanted to see right now.

**_"Rose."_**

Shit it just had to be _him_! Why is the unexpected always happening today!

Karma, in all seriousness now what the hell did I do in my past life to make you hate me!

I don't think I had the energy for this tonight.

I turned around and as always his beauty took my breath away. Although I had only seen him the other day through lissa, seeing him in the flesh still gave me chills. It took everything in me not just grab his duster towards me and kiss him.

But then the images of him at the church a few days ago and then the conversation with Lissa came into my head. He was over me and I had to keep reminding myself that.

Guard up Rose.

**_"What do you want?"_ **I said slightly irritated now realizing my run was a complete waste of time. The stress was back.

**_"It's kind of late to still be out here don't you think?"_**

Is he for real? Did he really just ask me that?

_**"Why the hell do you**_** care?"** I said, what kinda stupid question was that?

_**"I don't. But the princess was looking for you in your room and was worried when she couldn't find you so she asked me to help."**_

Of course he didn't care. Shocker.

_**"Well you found me so why don't you just run along back to Lissa and shove your head further up her ass. She'll probably even give you a badge of honor for being such a worthy errand boy."**_

Okay I was being petty but coming all the way to find me just because Lissa told him to? What the fuck was that about?

I could see in his face I had hit a nerve. He looked annoyed as hell. Good. It was about time I saw a different facial expression.

_**"Look, I don't want to be here right now as much as you do but stop locking yourself up in your god damn room over something that has completely ended! Your making Vasilisa **__**worry so much about you and I don't want her thinking I'm the cause of those problems. She keeps asking me questions I don't like answering so please just move on already!"**_

Wow.

I think I could have been stabbed a thousand times and it still wouldn't have hurt as much as Dimitri was ripping me apart right now. It took everything in me to blink the tears away but it was no use, the tears had rolled down my cheeks already.

_**"I can't move on that fast." **_I whispered.

God Dimitri what have you turned into? Even as a strigoi I could of handled you better than this. Why do you hate me so much?

I looked up at his face and almost saw regret. What the hell? _He's_ the one who just told me to move on. Then again he could never handle when I cried.

Could Adrian's words be true? Could he be lying through his teeth with every single word he was saying to me?

I took a step towards him but he took a step back

_**"Roza... please...don't." **_

He looked so desperate for me not to come near him.

Usually when Dimitri called me by my russian name I would feel giddy and loved. But at this moment I felt completely confused.

First he says he dosen't love me, then he tells me to move on but the look on his face showed otherwise.

He looked scared. If that was even possible.

Was he scared of me? Or was it that he was still thinking about what he did to me in Russia.

God he really had to get over that!

I stood where I was and asked him the question that I really needed the answer to.

_**"Do you still love me Dimitri?"**_

I had to say it. I was dead serious. It was him who said he didn't love me back at that church but I was never the one to directly ask him.

I waited for his answer.

Even if I was gonna get the same reply that I got at the church I needed him to tell me with no one else around, just me and him.

If he said he still loved me I knew we could work out our situation somehow but if he said he didn't I would find closure and let him go.

He didn't say a word, he looked so confused that it almost made me hopeful that he couldn't give me a straight answer.

**_"Rose I-"_**

All of a sudden I could hear footstep coming closer, I was still staring at Dimitri but he was looking behind me.

**_"Dimka you found her!"_**

My body stilled.

This was not happening right now.

It just had to be her to ruin the most critical moment of my love life.

**Tasha fucking Ozera.**


	5. Her

Natasha Ozera.

As if things weren't complicated enough she just **had** to appear.

After Dimitri chose me over her she left St Vladamirs and I hadn't seen her since. Christian occasionally brought her up a couple of times during conversations but I would usually block it out. Even though I felt a tiny bit bad about Dimitri choosing me instead, I felt uncomfortable knowing she had feelings for him so my impression of her definitely changed after that day. She knew why she got rejected. Call it women's intuition or whatever but I could tell by the way she last looked at me the day before she left. No smile, no "I'll see you soon". Just a hard looking stare and then she was gone.

So why the hell was the reject here now?

**_"Rose it's so great to see you!"_** she said pulling me into her fake hug. _Ugh get off me bitch._

**_"Good thing we found you! The princess has been looking everywhere for you."_**

You didn't find me. Dimitri did you dumbass. What the hell was so urgent Lissa had to send Dimitri to look for me? Knowing Tasha she probably offered to help.

Ugh don't you just hate pulling the fake happy to see you voice?

_**"Tasha, what are you doing here!?"**_

Okay i'm sounding way more excited than I should actually be. I hope she dosen't catch on...ah to hell with it if she did, I do not have the energy for this right now, she just completely ruined the biggest chance I had in getting Dimitri to tell me if he still loved me.

I looked at him and he turned his eyes away from me. My chance was definitley gone.

_**"Oh I'm here to help Queen Tatiana host her annual Valentines day ball! You know she can't handle all the work herself and asked a couple of us to be apart of the committee. To be honest I was quite surprised when I got the call because you know how everyone is with my family history. Looks like people are finally ready to let go of the past and let me finally be apart of something, even if it is just a ball. I was just telling Dimka all about it!".**_

A ball? Really? God I didn't even realize valentines day was coming up. Well in my position that was the last thing on my mind.

She suddenly put her arm around Dimitri's and a pang of jealousy went off in me. I wanted to rip her arm off. What the hell? Why was she allowed to touch him when he didn't even want me to come close to him? What was even more surprising was the fact that Dimitri didn't even pull away. Why was Tasha trying to act like a high school girl claiming her man. Gosh what a bitch he's _**mine.**_

Well he_** was.**_

It took everything in me to act as normal as I could. I felt so stupid standing here watching them. I had to end this conversation quickly.

_**"That's nice Tasha. Sorry but it looks like I need to go see Lissa...was there anything else you needed Dimitri?**_

Please give me something Dimitri. Any sign so I know our conversation isn't over. I need your answer.

**_"No. Nothing."_** He said coldly.

Damn it. I lost him again.

I tried to hide the disappointment from my face. I turned to leave.

_**"Bye Rose!" **_Tasha said in an almost mocking tone. Obviously she was doing it on purpose. Still bitter over Dimitri's decision I guess. I knew if I even tried to saying anything rude to her right now Dimitri would immediately come to her defense and he would have yet another reason to hate me. Seeing him defend her would have just sent me into another breakdown and I was already trying my best to hold everything together. At this point I was ready to beat the shit out of her.

I looked back and saw Tasha waving and cut to Dimitri's eyes staring at me. I held his gaze, Tasha's arm still hung around his and I stared back until Tasha looked up at him and that's when he looked away.

I turned away not bothering to say goodbye and walked in the direction towards Lissa's room.

I was really getting tired of this bad luck bullshit.

* * *

_**"Where the hell have you been?" **_Lissa said once she dragged me into her room after the second knock.

_**"Running. What the hell is so important that Dimitri even had to look for me? And what the hell did you say to him about me because he was totally pissed with me being upset because it makes you worry that damn jackass."**_

_**"I'm sorry Rose I couldn't help it. I couldn't just sit around waiting for you to come out of your room. I thought if I talked to him it would encourage him to actually act the way he was with you before like old times. I even hoped you two would become a couple again. I guess the plan backfired."**_

_**"More like detonated. And we were right in the middle of a conversation and then Tasha-"**_

_**"You saw her already?"**_

_**"You knew she was coming?"**_I said surprised.

_**"I heard Queen Tatiana say she needed help with the Valentine's Day ball and she mentioned about Tasha but Rose-**_

_**"So you knew she was coming?"**_

_**"Well technically yes but this wasn't-"**_

_**"I can't believe you didn't tell me, not even a heads up so I would have been prepared, Lissa what the hell! Do you know how stupid I looked when I saw her! That bitch even put her arm around Dimitri like she was his property or something and he didn't even try to remove it. I felt like a complete idiot!"**_

_**"Rose listen this was why I was looking for you because I knew she was here but I didn't think you'd have seen her until maybe tomorrow which would have given me enough time to tell you the other reason I was looking for you."**_

_**"What could possibly be worse than that bitch turning up?!"**_

_**"Rose...Queen Tatiana may have made her apart of the **__**committee**__** but it was only after Dimitri suggested it. He even volunteered to make the call to her himself before Tatiana said she would do it personally since it would be a more formal invitation if she did it".**_

_**"What?"**_

_**"Rose, Dimitri wants Tasha here at court. Badly. And I don't know why."**_

My body went completely numb.

He wanted Tasha here?

Not me?

The girl he used to love.

The girl he made love to.

The girl who risked her life to bring him back.

No...he wanted **_her_** here.

_**Her.**_

This was getting way too much for me to handle anymore.


	6. Love Is A Luxury

A/N: Ah sorry for the long absence. Writers block for a while! Ok a long time! Been busy :(

Can't believe they are currently filming the VA movie! So excited! And I love love LOVE the cast!

Thanks for all the comments guys! x

* * *

Dimitri's POV

_**"I can't believe you just made me do that to Rose Dimitri. Did you see her face?"**_ Tasha said sympathetically.

_**"Look I told you this was the deal to get you back into society and Queen Tatiana's good side. I need Rose to stop having feelings for me...I don't deserve** **her**"._

_**"But Dimka-"**_

_**"No. Don't say anything. This is my decision. I just need you to do your side of the deal and that's it. Do not tell anyone...I really need her to forget me."**_

_**"I know you do Dimitri but doesn't this seem like high school? I mean at first when you offered the proposition I was stunned you two had come to this. After you declined...well my offer to be with me, I selfishly had this thought of my own payback with Rose so I accepted but come on, i'm a grown women trying to get another girl away from you. It's childish and Rose had never intentionally hurt me.**__**But I know just how much you have helped me when I needed it so obviously my loyalty lies with you, just tell me what I need to do. **_

_**Just don't make me do anything that's gonna result in Rose giving me a beat down!." **_She replies nervously.

_**"It won't go that far I promise. If there's anyone she should give a beat down to it definitely should be me." **_

_**"Your too hard on yourself. From what little you've actually told me about what happened in Russia I know Rose doesn't blame you for what you did."**_

_**"...You weren't there. You don't know just how much I've done to hurt her and to others. It's too hard."**_ I say.

_**"Too hard for you or too hard for her? Clearly your too blind to see just how much your hurting her right now. I've only been with her for five minutes and just looking at her face clearly shows how much she's hurting with you pushing her away and you of all people know Rose isn't the type to show her emotions so openly." **_Tasha said sadly.

_**"Hurting her is only for the short term. Once Rose realizes our relationship will never be, our deal is done. Its for the best Tasha."**_

_**"So you will drive away the most important person in your life...to ease your own heart?"**_

_**"..."**_

_**"Dimka?"**_

_**"I can't love anyone anymore. This is why I have to let her go." **_I say, my mouth starting to tremble.

_**"No Dimka... your choosing not to love anymore. And trust me I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth but after everything you've been through, the choice your making right now to end everything between you two, shouldn't of ever been an option to consider in the first place after everything she's done to get you back."** _Tasha said angrily and walked off.

I turn and watch her walk away, surprised out of all people she would be the one defending Rose. Knowing how I left things with her I didn't think she would agree to my offer since she knew who I rejected her offer for but seeing Rose's face when Tasha cut our conversation made me realize that this little play I'm putting on with Tasha needs to be done. Yes it's very childish but I've ran out of other options.

Before Tasha interrupted, Rose has asked me if I still loved her. My initial answer would have been that there was no way I could love anyone again but then when I looked up, I mean _really_ looked at her I saw so much beauty. Something I never saw as a strigoi, not just her silky dark brown hair or the way her eyes always showed so much passion but I was amazed by the strength and determination she showed to not simply give up on me even after all the horrible things I had said to her at church that made her eventually walk away from me.

That's **_my_** Roza. Everyone and their mother knows Rose Hathaway doesn't give up so easily.

But with her beauty also comes the pain and I will never forgive myself for what I had done to her. Even if she can forgive me so easily.

If Tasha had come a few seconds later into our conversation I may have had a totally different answer for Rose and thankfully Tasha's presence reminded me of what I was actually suppose to be doing. Pushing Rose away.

Love is a luxury I don't deserve anymore.

_**"No Dimka... your choosing not to love anymore."**_

Tasha's words come back to me. If that's the case so be it but with the nightmares of how I was as a strigoi overtaking nearly every inch of my mind, how could I possibly go on living normally like nothing happened? How can I learn to love again after what I did. How can I stay oblivious to the fact I killed innocent people who deserved to live a long healthy life and the fact that I treated the love of my life like a blood whore and tried to change her into something monstrous that are strigoi, almost possibly killing her if she wasn't so determined to come back and save my life.

Well, Vasilisa saved my life.

When I was brought back as a Dhampir, the first person I saw was Vasilisa and she comforted me in a way I needed at the time. It was like waking up from a bad dream except I could still feel every kill I had made and evey victim was flashing through my head and the grief I felt and still feel was excruciating. That's why I feel I am in her debt.

As for Rose...I don't know what lengths she must have gone through to bring me back but all I know is I can never repay her for how much she has done for me. The only thing I can do is keep away from her and hope eventually she will come to her senses and forget about me and move on with her life.

I start walking back to my room when I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. A number I don't recognize but I press answer anyway.

_**"Hel-"**_

_**"YOU STUPID BOY!"**_ the person on the other end of the line shouted.

I froze. Oh no.

The shock ran throughout my entire body. This was the last person I would have thought to contact me. It takes me a minute to get myself together to respond.

_**"Hel...hello grandmother".**_ I answer nervously. Oh she sounded mad as hell. This was not good.

Facing a dozen strigoi...no problem.

Facing **Yeva Belikova** was a whole other story.


	7. Her Weakness

Hey guys thanks for all the comments!

Check this fan made mv out! Cpy&Paste on youtube /watch?v=RskEXwP_gwM

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___*Continuation from previous chapter._

_**"Um..grandmother what are you talk-"**_

_**"Boy do not even try to insult my intelligence you absolutely know why I am calling you!"**_

Oh great another person I have to defend over my decision with Rose. You'd think she would be the type of grandmother to call you once she foresaw you being transformed back into a dhampir and I don't know, maybe call to tell you how much she missed you but this was _my_ grandmother after all. It was only an amount of time I was going to hear from her but I didn't imagine it to be so soon, and especially over a women.

_**"Are you out of you mind! I did not raise you to speak to women like that Dimitri!".**_

_**"Grandmother can you just let me explain why I did what I did please."**_

With a sigh I could hear coming from the other end of the phone I was praying to God that she was calming down. I really couldn't take having a one sided screaming match over the phone. I just got my humanity back, I didn't want to lose my hearing any time soon.

_**"Ok child then explain because I really would like to hear what you have to say for yourself to make you behave so selfishly to someone who I already consider family and you don't have a clue what she went through when she came to us Dimitri!."**_

Ok the anger was back, I had to make this argument settle fast.

The fact she considered Rose family was saying a lot for my grandmother and made me feel a tight ache in my chest.

_**"Grandmother, you have no idea what it what like being a strigoi and what I have done to so many people while I was in Russia. Then to have returned as a dhampir and have all these memories just flooding back into your head...the guilt...the grief, tell me how is there any room for love? How do you expect me to let this all go as if nothing happened because quite frankly I'm getting sick and tired of everyone telling me to move on like it's so easy because no one else has been through what I have!"**_

God I was really starting to sound like a broken record but this was the only way I could explain it to people. No one else understood what I was going through.

She didn't say anything for about a minute. If it wasn't for her breathing and that judgmental feeling I could tell was leaking through the other end of the phone I would have thought she'd hung up.

_**"I'm not judging you child."**_

Okay that was just creepy. Was she reading minds now?

_**"Look I know you don't need another person telling you the decision to push Rose away is wrong. I know your getting that from quite a few people already...including her"**_ she paused then started to laugh.

_**"I admire that girl you know. When she landed on our doorstep...I just knew she was yours Dimitri. She had this powerful aura about her like no one could knock down her wall...but when discussing subjects close to her heart...meaning you...you could see the vulnerability pour out of her face. You should know what I'm talking about. A strong, guarded face on the outside like she's ready to fight anyone who comes in her way...but emotional and torn on the inside. Probably what your making her feel right now.**_

_** But Rose never showed weakness. Oh no definitely not. You would have thought from the way she acted that she didn't have any, but she did. Do you know what that weakness was child?"**_

Of course I knew.

I really just wanted to hang up the phone but I knew I'd get bitched out again with another phone call. Or worse she would actually fly out to court to shout in my face and knowing my grandmother she would actually do it.

Why did she want me to answer this, she obviously knows that I know what Roza's weakness is.

I had avoided everybody else talking about Roza, Vasilissa, Tasha and knew for sure this must have been the longest conversation I've had about her since Rose herself had snuck into the courts prison to see me. I didn't want to talk about this anymore and if this wasn't my grandmother on the phone I would have cut this subject off quick and easy.

I didn't respond straight away and exhaled loudly, I didn't even realize I was holding my breath. Suddenly memories were coming back to me and it wasn't the strigoi kind.

It was when I first met Roza, when she bravely tried to protect Vasilissa and fight me but ended up almost falling sideways into the pavement and I grabbed her before she could hit the floor, staring into those beautiful eyes.

The way I felt how rough her hands were from all the training we did and she didn't say a word about it.

The way she tried to hide her tears when those stupid rumours surfaced at the academy about her and jesse (who I wished I had actually punched) and how the one thing she was worried about was Lissa.

The way she selflessly told me to be Tasha's guardian and how it would be a great opportunity for me and I remember thinking that was when I knew I was really in love with Roza. The way she would have supported me even if I hadn't picked her.

Then that one memory I tried so hard to bury in the back of my mind had somehow resurfaced...the cabin.

And that's when I responded.

_**"It was me"**_ I could feel the first teardrop sliding down my cheek, my voice growing hoarse I cleared my throat and said _**"Her...her weakness is me Grandmother."**_

I breathed in heavily and could feel the pity oozing out of the phone.

_**"Of course it is child. That girl's strength to take you on as a strigoi, leaving everyone she knew behind to set your soul free from all evil...that kind of person doesn't come around everyday Dimitri. She could have just given up on you once she knew you turned but even risking death herself she wanted absolute peace for you, even if that meant bringing herself to kill you. Aren't you now glad she hesitated?"**_

_**"I can't be with her grandmother. No...love is not something I can have anymore, I can't love anyone. It's not right after everything I did. Why is everyone so focused on Rose and I when that's not even the issue here. I'm a murderer grandmother, love has to be the farthest thing from my mind. It amazes me all anyone can actually think about is Rose and I getting back together!"**_

_**"Child do not punish yourself for mistakes you had no control over. It's not fair to you or the people around you. Your only going to end up hurting yourself and the one you "claim" not to care about anymore ...and no one here needs to be psychic to know your feelings for her have not changed. I know that heart of yours is not closed Dimitri...your just building a wall around it because your so convinced you don't deserve happiness your going to extreme lengths to push the one person you care about out of your life.**_

_** Speaking of extreme dear, using Natasha Ozera in your stupid little plan is excuse my english, a bitch ass cowardly thing to do and so insensitive what were you thinking? Rose isn't twelve dear!"**_

I don't know what was more crazy, the fact that she already knew about Tasha even though she was a million miles away and I was obviously underestimating her abilities or the fact that my grandmother basically just called me a bitch ass.

I guess Roza really does rub off on everyone she meets.

_**"Do not push that girl away Dimitri, for wishes you seek to want may come true in time you wish to regret."**_

_**"What does that mean?"**_

She ignored my question...obviously and now I understood why Rose found my "zen lessons" irritating.

_**"I love you Dimitri. Make the right choices, for when you finally open your eyes, you may just find the decision is no longer in your hands."**_

Okay now it just felt like I was talking to the Riddler!

_**"I love you too Grandmother, tell the family I love them."**_

_**"I will, oh and child before you go..."**_

_**"Yes?"**_

_**"I was never the Riddler...I am and will always be Batman."**_


End file.
